I have entitled this meditation, this mediation on the fourth commandment: "Love of Mother and Father- An Unfolding Love." Before moving into our threefold approach to this commandment, I wish to recount an experience I had a few years ago when Dr. Harvey and I visited the newly-opened Borghese Museum at Rome. It is a wonderful museum in the Borghese Gardens in the heart of Rome.

In particular fashion, we were both struck by the statue of Aeneas fleeing from the burning Troy. In this magnificent piece of art by Gian Lorenzo Bernini, Aeneas is carrying his father on his shoulders and his little son is clinched to him as they escape Troy. Aeneas, a prince of Troy and the son of Venus, became a part of pre-Roman history when he escaped from the destruction of Troy with his son and father. He dutifully followed the destiny set down by the gods, earning the name pius Aeneas, and eventually led the surviving Trojans to settle in the area that would become Rome. Aeneas exhibited all the characteristics necessary of a great hero: selflessness, honor, loyalty and pietas. Pietas is a traditional Roman value which can be defined as duty, honor, and responsibility to others, and the taking of these obligations seriously. Throughout antiquity, Aeneas is associated with this Roman value of pietas. And the statue in Rome has forever been a part of my memory when I think of the fourth commandment.

In our day, and for many of you, the fourth commandment value of pietas means the taking care of our parents, not simply children honoring parents. As Aeneas rescued his father, exhibiting so well the virtue of pietas, each of us is called to show duty and honor to our parents, and teach our children to do the same. It is a love unfolding. Keep this image of Aeneas in mind as we study the 4th commandment. This commandment applies to all of us no matter our age or circumstance. It is a commandment which deals with family. On this First Thursday of Advent, we appropriately are drawn to this commandment -- for Advent is a time of preparation for the birth of our Savior precisely into a family and the 4th commandment is about "family values" and the value of the family as the "domestic church." It speaks moreover of relationships within a family. Before focusing on the effect of the Christ event on the fourth commandment and some practical implications for our day, we begin where we always do, namely, the Hebrew understanding of the fourth commandment.

l.) The Hebrew Understanding

There are two major points to underscore here- linkage of the commandment to covenant AND the fourth commandment seen as a bridge between the first three commandments and the other six.

First, at the heart of the Hebrew understanding of "parental honor" is its link to covenant. Remember that the 10 commandments were at the core of the covenant relationship between Yahweh and the Hebrew people. They were the the way free people were to live. Both the text from Deuteronomy and Exodus links the command to honor father and mother with the promise of "a long life" and prosperity "in the land which the Lord, your God, is giving you."

Parents were responsible to teach their children about the covenant. By so doing, both children and parents would prosper on the land promised them. Parents were the repositories of tradition and they thus deserved respect and honor from their children. To teach effectively, children had to be a receptive audience. If children did not honor their parents and were rebellious and self-centered, they would not be able to learn of the key covenant relationship with God, and as a consequence of dishonoring their parents, the children would not prosper in the promised land. The fruit of children honoring parents in this way was to provide solid family structure for the Israelites and pass on the "charter of freedom" to them.

No penalties were set forth or threats given for failure to comply with the fourth commandments but other passages in the Hebrew scripture underscore that this commandment was the weightiest.

"If a man has a stubborn and unruly son who will not listen to his father or mother, and will not obey them even though they chastise him, his father and mother shall have him apprehended and brought out to the elders at the gate of his home city, where they shall say to those city elders, 'This son of ours is a stubborn and unruly fellow who will not listen to us; he is a glutton and a drunkard.' Then all his fellow citizens shall stone him to death. Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst, and all Israel, on hearing of it, shall fear." Deut 21:18-21

"He who mistreats his father, or drives away his mother, is a worthless and disgraceful son." Prov 19:26

"If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming of darkness." Prov 20:20

"The eye that mocks a father, or scorns an aged mother, Will be plucked out by the ravens in the valley; the young eagles will devour it." Prov 30:17

"Anyone who curses his father or mother shall be put to death; since he has cursed his father or mother, he has forfeited his life." Lev 20:9

Sirach 3:1-16 is akin to a commentary on the fourth commandment.

"Children, pay heed to a father's right; do so that you may live. For the LORD sets a father in honor over his children; a mother's authority he confirms over her sons. He who honors his father atones for sins; he stores up riches who reveres his mother. He who honors his father is gladdened by children, and when he prays he is heard. He who reveres his father will live a long life; he obeys the LORD who brings comfort to his mother. He who fears the LORD honors his father, and serves his parents as rulers. In word and deed honor your father that his blessing may come upon you; For a father's blessing gives a family firm roots, but a mother's curse uproots the growing plant. Glory not in your father's shame, for his shame is no glory to you! His father's honor is a man's glory; disgrace for her children, a mother's shame. My son, take care of your father when he is old; grieve him not as long as he lives. Even if his mind fail, be considerate with him; revile him not in the fullness of your strength. For kindness to a father will not be forgotten, it will serve as a sin offering--it will take lasting root. In time of tribulation it will be recalled to your advantage, like warmth upon frost it will melt away your sins. A blasphemer is he who despises his father; accursed of his Creator, he who angers his mother." Sirach 3:1-16

Second, the other aspect of the Hebrew understanding of this commandment focuses on its nature as a "bridge." The first three commandments are traditionally understood as our obligations to God whereas the second seven treat obligations toward fellow human beings.

But scripture scholars point out that the reference to the "Lord your God" in the fourth commandment serves as a bridge between those commandments traditionally understood as relating to God and those relating to one's fellow human being. Another argument in addition to the explicit use of the word "God" is the use of the word "honor" (kabbed)--a word traditionally used in relation to God. It has many implications. In his book Deuteronomy, Patrick Miller writes:

"To honor is to 'prize highly' (Prov. 4:8), 'to show respect,' to 'glorify and exalt.' Moreover, it has nuances of caring for and showing affection (Ps. 91:15). It is a term frequently used to describe the proper response to God and is akin to worship (Ps. 86:9). Moreover, the parallel command in Lev. 19:3 actually uses the term 'fear, give reverence to' (tira'u) which is otherwise reserved for God (The Book of Exodus, pp. 418-419)." (Miller p. 85)

"Honor" or kabbed frequently has God as its object. To "honor" parents, in the Hebrew mind, is thus to accord them a respect and importance reserved for the sacred. In effect, they become visible representatives of God. The commandment thus suggests an attitude towards parents that parallel's one's attitude towards God--honor, fear and reverence. The importance of "honor" can be seen in the following rabbinic story:

There are wonderful tales of how the rabbis specially carried out this commandment. The most wonderful of these tales attach themselves to a certain Rabbi Tarfon. In one of them it is told that when Rabbi Tarfon's mother wished to get up on to her bed, he would stoop down and make his bent back a step for her on which to step up. It is told that on another occasion his mother's sandals split and broke in such a way that she could not mend them. So she had to walk across the courtyard barefoot. So Rabbi Tarfon put his hands under her feet at each step she took, so that she might walk over his hands and not over the cobblestones all the way. The rabbis felt that the glory of honouring a parent was even greater than any other glory that might come to them; their only complaint was: 'You have not fulfilled half of the commandment to honour.' (William Barclay, The Ten Commandments Today, p.50)

Greeks and Romans were just as certain as the Jews that "honor" must be paid to parents. In his Nicomaethean Ethics, Aristotle writes: "Honor is also due to the parents as it is to the gods."

Note well that the fourth commandment uses the Hebrew word kabbed which is translated "honor" and not the Hebrew word for "obey." This is not accidental. The duty of "obedience" diminishes as children become adults. But "honor" can and should persist long after the age of dependence. People are always the children of parents, and their obligation does not cease as long as the parents live. That's the point. By showing "honor" to their parents, they strengthen the system that bestows honor on themselves as parents even when a kind of "role reversal" is taking place as our parents age, as we age.

The fourth commandment is admittedly directed to persons of any age whose parents are living. In the Hebrew understanding, however, it was not primarily directed to children to tell them how to treat their parents. It was primarily directed to adults--how mature adults wee to treat their older or elderly parents. Remember Pius Aeneas! That does not mean it is inapplicable to children. It applies there also. But importantly, the commandment focuses on the mature person no longer under the control of parents and now probably stronger than parents in every way. It has in mind elderly parents, the weaker and needier members of the relationship. To them is "honor" due--to those feeble, senile or of diminished capacity. And interestingly, in the Hebrew mind, mothers and fathers were treated equally under this commandment. Within the institutional structure of ancient Israel, only the family possessed such gender equality unlike male dominance in public institutions, the council of elders and with decisions of a political or legal nature.

2.) The Effect of the Christ Event

Could there be a better time of the year, this holy season of Advent, to ponder the relationships in family, a time when our God, the Son of God, became man and was born into a family? It is that time of year when we reflect on the perduring meaning of His birth among us and its implications to this day in our own lives, the effect of the birth of Christ on the fourth commandment. In His very flesh, after all, He began to live personally that fourth commandment which His Father had given to Moses on Mt. Sinai. Jesus came not to abolish the law but to fulfill it. And He did this precisely in His own person.

For sure, Jesus reaffirmed the decalogue as the moral core and center also of the Christian life, but He did more. He enabled us by His birth, life, death, resurrection and sending the Spirit to live the 10 commandments in a new way that the Greeks and Hebrews were unable--in a uniquely Christian and transforming way. He fulfilled the Hebrew law by pouring the love of God, the Holy Spirit, into our very hearts.

In addition to enabling us to live the commandments, by the transformative love within us, Jesus also specifically reaffirmed, personalized and expanded the letter of the Hebrew law.

Three points:

First, St. Luke tells us about Jesus' relationship with His parents in that He "went down with them and came to Nazareth, and was obedient to them." Lk 2:51 He did personally what His Father ordered Moses as one of the pillars of freedom and love for the newly-freed Hebrew people. He honored His parents. He obeyed them.

Second, as the catechism teaches "the fourth commandment reminds grown children of their responsibilities toward their parents. As much as they can, they must give them material and moral support in old age and in times of illness, loneliness, or distress. Jesus recalls this duty of gratitude." CCC 2218 In fact, Jesus changed the law from the experience and interpretation of the Hebrew people. Moreover, He condemns the practice of using religious laws to mistreat one's parents.

He went on to say, "How well you have set aside the commandment of God in order to uphold your tradition! For Moses said, 'Honor your father and your mother,' and 'Whoever curses father or mother shall die.' Yet you say, 'If a person says to father or mother, "Any support you might have had from me is qorban"' (meaning, dedicated to God), you allow him to do nothing more for his father or mother. You nullify the word of God in favor of your tradition that you have handed on. And you do many such things." Mark 7:9-13

The Korban was money vowed to the Temple. Jesus specifically warned that the Korban offering could not be used as an excuse not to support one's mother or father. To do otherwise would nullify God's word--His word to honor father and mother.

Third, the most profound effect of the Christ event on the fourth commandment can be found in the letters of St. Paul, specifically, Col 3:20-21and Eph 6: 1-4. Col 3:20-21 states: "You children, obey your parents in everything as the acceptable way in the Lord. And fathers, do not nag your children lest they lose heart." Eph 6:1-4 states: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for that is what is expected of you. 'Honor your father and mother' is the first commandment to carry a promise with it 'that it may go well with you, and that you may have a long life on the earth.' Fathers, do not anger your children. Bring them up with the training and instruction befitting the Lord." Note three points of departure--

l.) There is a specific reciprocal ethic here between both parents and children. It never lays a duty simply on one side. Not only does it require explicit reciprocity of obligations but acknowledges the dignity of parents and children.

2.) Not only are fathers (parents) to refrain from nagging their children but specifically exhorted in Ephesians to teach and instruct children in the the way of the Lord (makes explicit what was in the Hebrew mind).

3.) And this is to be done "in the Lord," in the power of the Holy Spirit within them.

In a real sense, then, the fourth commandment requires the parent to honor the child just as the child must honor the parent.

3.) Some Practical Implications for Each of Us

So many of you are living witnesses in fulfilling the specific commandment of love set forth in the fourth commandment. Your lives bespeak more clearly than anything I could have said today. You smother and surround your children with love and struggle in love to help aging parents often at the same time. You demonstrate the vitality and efficacy of His love within you by the way you live your daily lives. Society is in your debt. Through your witness, Christianity is made credible.

Hopefully this meditation affirms you, your efforts and makes real the words of Psalm l: "Happy the person ....whose delight is in the law of the Lord and who ponders His law day and night...He (she) is like a tree planted beside the flowing waters, that yields its fruit in due season and whose leaves shall never fade; and all that he (she) does shall prosper."

Two groups deserve special attention as a result of the fourth commandment--the elderly and our children.

First, the elderly: In his book entitled The Ten Commandments (Covenant of Love), Father Alfred McBride writes that "In 1950, people sixty-five or older made up just seven percent of the population. Now the number is twelve percent, and the fastest growing age group is eighty-five and over." (79) These statistics have faces. They are our parents and friends. Many are the elderly poor. The fourth commandment directs us to honor them. It is challenging for sure. Many of you can speak of the legal challenges, the psychological challenges, the time challenges in dealing with elderly parents and grandparents.

No longer are we dependent on them as we were as children and teenagers. They are now dependent on us. This change in roles breeds new challenges for parents also, indeed resentment, that they no longer can control their own destinies. But we know, our Faith teaches us, that no human life should be denigrated because an individual has lost "commercial worth." Yes, honor your father and mother!

Second, our children:

In his book entitled The Ten Commandments for Today, that great Scottish Presbyterian scripture scholar William Barclay lists six different ways in which a parent is challenged to honor his/her child. They are practical and helpful.

(i) There is the basic duty of nourishment, care and support. This may seem so obvious that it hardly needs stating, but it was far from always being so. When Christianity came into the world, child exposure was a normal custom, carrying with it no discredit and no stigma, and certainly not regarded as a crime. When a child was born, it was laid at the father's feet. If the father lifted it, he thereby acknowledged it and undertook the duty of nourishing it and bringing it up. If he did not do so, then the child could be abandoned and quite literally thrown out…. We cannot imagine such things as these happening today in western civilization. No one owes more to Christianity than does the child….

(ii) There is the equally basic duty of training and of discipline. The parent owes it to the child to bring him up in such a way that he will become a responsible citizen…. It is a common saying with more than a grain of truth in it, that there are no delinquent children; there are only delinquent parents. Dr. George Ingle in his book The Lord's Creed quotes a circular issued by the police department of Houston, Texas, in the United States.

For Parents
How to make a child into a Delinquent:
12 Easy Rules

1. Begin at infancy to give the child everything he wants. In this way, he will grow up to believe that the world owes him a living.
2. When he picks up bad language, laugh at him. This will make him think he's cute.
3. Never give him any spiritual training. Wait until he is 21, and then let him 'decide for himself'.
4. Avoid the use of the word 'wrong'. It may develop a guilt complex. This will condition him to believe later, when he is arrested for stealing a car, that society is against him and he is being persecuted.
5. Pick up everything he leaves lying around, books, shoes, clothes. Do everything for him so that he will be experienced in throwing all responsibility on others.
6. Let him read any printed matter he can get his hands on. Be careful that the silverware and drinking glasses are sterilized, but let his mind feast on garbage.
7. Quarrel frequently in the presence of your children. In this way they will not be too shocked when the home is broken up later.
8. Give a child all the spending money he wants. Never let him earn his won. Why should he have things as tough as you had them?
9. Satisfy his every craving for food, drink, and comfort. See that every sensual desire is gratified. Denial may lead to harmful frustration.
10. Take his part against neighbors, teachers, policemen. They are prejudiced against your child.
11. When he gets into real trouble, apologize for yourself by saying, 'I never could do anything with him.'
12. Prepare for a life of grief. You will be likely to have it.

This is a warning document and for many parents it must strike home. There is literally nothing that can take the place of parental discipline and parental control. This is something that the parent owes the child. The child cannot honour the parent who is not honourable, and no parent who evades his or her own responsibility can ever expect to be honoured. Honour is something which has to be earned and deserved….

(iii) But there is another side to this. Certainly the parent must give the child discipline, but equally certainly the parent must give the child encouragement. 'Fathers,' said Paul, 'do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged' (Colossians 3:21). Or as the New English Bible has it: 'Fathers, do not exasperate your children, for fear they grow disheartened….' An atmosphere of unrelieved and unbroken criticism can break the spirit. Luther said, 'Spare the rod and spoil the child-true! But beside the rod keep an apple, and give it to him when he does well….'

(iv) There is the duty of sympathetic understanding. There are too many homes in which parents and children are almost strangers to each other. The parent has nothing to say to the child; he is unable to communicate with his own young people. The children so often, if they want advice or guidance, do not turn naturally to their parents, but rather to someone else, to the teacher or the club leader….

(v) There remain two things to say, and they are by far the most important of all. The parent must give the child the respect that is due to a person…. The way to respect a person is to treat him as an intelligent human being, and here is one of the basic truths of the parent-child relationship…. To make a life partnership and not a dictatorship, to learn together, to act together, to ask for a reasonable co-operation instead of a blind obedience, always to be ready to explain why, to respect the child as we ourselves would wish to be respected-this is the way to the building up of a true parent-child relationship.

(vi) All that we have been saying can be summed up in the simple truth that what the parent must give to the child above all is love…. The parent-child relationship must be a relationship of love. If that is there, nothing else is needed; and if it is not there literally nothing can replace it.

(Barclay, pp. 55-61)

The catechism emphasizes the need to pass on our Faith to our children. "Parents have the first responsibility for the education of their children in the faith, prayer and all the virtues." CCC 2252 It is implicit in the Hebrew understanding of the fourth commandment. Ephesians makes it crystal clear and explicit that parents have the obligation to bring their children up "with the training and instruction befitting the Lord." Corresponding to the child's duty to honor his/her parents is the reciprocal duty of the Christian parent to educate his/her children in the faith, in the family, through formal and informal instruction and, above all, by way of example.

"Through the grace of the sacrament of marriage, parents receive the responsibility and privilege of evangelizing their children." CCC 2225 And this should start in a child's earliest years. It is then that the name of Jesus is first taught, that prayers can and should be taught and that the importance and obligation of Sunday Mass must by example be nourished and taught. "Children in turn contribute to the growth in holiness of their parents." CCC 2227

Conclusion

As we contemplate pius Aeneas carrying his father from burning Troy with his little son clutched to his leg, how can we not think of the relationships of love, unfolding love, which represent the meaning of the fourth commandment at its deepest level? In this Advent season, as we prepare for the celebration of the birth of our savior Jesus Christ, each of us should thank the Lord for our parents, living and deceased, for our children, if we have been so blessed, always mindful of the Child of Bethlehem, of the Holy Family, a family whose honor went two ways--to His parents and to Him, Jesus the Lord. AMEN.